Accepted, Loved and Peace

Today looking out the window, watching the movie "Heaven is for Real", and embracing my very real fear of the future I am about to enter into, I came to realise something. Growing up, I always tried to fit in. I tried to be what everyone else wanted me to be, so that I could be popular. Have the cool friends. But every time I tried, every time I failed horribly by feeling even more of a misfit than before. Whenever I tried to be something that I wasn't, I felt even more ridiculed than before. It felt like striving to become someone I wasn't did not have the outcome I wanted. It was only when I embraced me as I am that I could relax and strive. It was only then I felt free.

I remember the instances where an adult, getting to know me looked at me with disbelief and a laughter in their eyes, once they got to see who I was. I don't blame them. If I where them I probably would have done the same thing, looked upon myself the same way. But I don't envy their lives. I wouldn't want to keep placing that amount of pressure on myself as I used to.

I refuse to believe that I have to be what social conventions wants me to. I refuse to believe that I have to follow every social code this world has created to be free. I refuse to believe I have to listen to the right kind of music, see the right kind of movies, go the right kind of places and socialise the right kind of way in order to be me. I learned that people forcing upon me one kind of behaviour isn't worth the fight to convince they should stay friends with me. I am me. And it is not going to change. I am not going to stop watching Disney movies or go to church, just because it doesn't fit into the social code of the world I live in. All I wanted throughout my life was to be accepted. But it was not until I accepted myself, that I found peace.

I am always loved the way I am, with faults and all. So why should I change just because the rest of the world can't see it? Just because they have an idea of how I should be?

The I-have-no-money-cravings

Do you know that feeling. That feeling creeping inside your mind, brain and unreliable feelings when you have absolutely no money at all and all you want to do is buy stuff for food-projects, knitting-projects, new clothes and so on... It's almost the feeling of an addiction, where you can't get your mind of it. Think of it every second of the day. Suddenly I just really got to have all sorts of candy, meat and things.

I know I will be proud of myself tomorrow, when I haven't used the money and when I find myself perfectly capable of living without these luxuries. But in the moment. I am addicted. Addicted to worldly things. Or more correctly - unnecessary things and foods.

Candy.
A new book.
New clothes.
Bottons to a shirt I have knitted.
Special food to make all the new recipes I have found
Milk-free is-cream (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAY. TOO. MUCH. CRAVING.)
Marshmallows

As I said: Unnecessary. Addiction.

Glutenfri og Mælkefri diæt: Hvad man skal undgå og hvad man kan vælge istedet

Da jeg forsøgte at blive gluten og mælkefri var det sværeste at overkomme, hvad jeg skulle gøre når jeg besøgte mine venner og de muligvis ville lave mad til mig. I begyndelsen mente jeg, at jeg selv ville have mad med, men hvad så med alle dem der egentlig gerne vil prøve det "glutenfrie og mælkefrie" køkken for min skyld? Hvordan forklarer, man hvad der er gluten i og hvad der ikke er. For, let's be honest, listen er meget lang.

Så jeg lavede et dokument jeg kunne sende videre, der indeholdte hvad man skulle undgå og hvad man kunne vælge istedet og det vil jeg dele med jer! På den måde kan du evt bruge denne side som reference eller lave din egen. Skemaet er ikke min opfindelse, men et jeg har set flere bruge. Det her er baseret på en glutenfri og mælkefri kost.

	Det må jeg IKKE	Alternativer
Mel, gryn og kerner:	Hvede, -mel, -gryn, kerne, -kim, -klid, durummel, sigtemel, spelt, fuldkornsmel, grahamsmel, mannagryn, emmer, enekorn, kamut.  rismel. Rugmel, rugkerner, byggryn, perlebyg, malt.  Havregryn, - mel, - mix, -klid.  Pasta (spaghetti, makaroni, lasagneplader).  Rasp (panering).	Majs, majsgryn, polenta og majsmel, quinoa-frø og -mel, kartoffelmel, boghvedegryn og -mel, hirseflager og hirsemel. Kikærtemel, kastanjemel, sesamfrø, birkes, solsikkekerner, græskarkerner, fiberHUSK, hørfrø, kokosmel, amarent, chiafrø.
Drikkevarer	Øl.	Juice, saft, sodavan, vin, glutenfri øl.
Mælkeprodukter	UNDGÅ: Mælk der kommer fra dyr.  Mælk, kakaodrikke, fløde, cremefraiche, syrnede mælkeprodukter (yoghurt, A38, ylette, mm..), oste, smør,	mandelmælk, rismælk, kokosmælk, sojamælk, plantemargarine (fx becel, fri, nutana).
Morgenmad	Cornflakes, guldkorn, havrefras, müsli og havregryn.	Glutenfri brød med æg, Marmelade, honning.  Grød kogt på glutenfri mel og gryn fx hirse, glutenfri havre, boghvede mm.  Friske og tørrede frugter.  Glutenfrie produkter.
Frokost	Leverpostej, paté, ristede løg. pålægsvarer, pølse, sennep, ketchup, noget mayonnaise, remoulade og dressinger.	Glutenfri varianter af pålæg, torskerogn, skinke, kyllingebryst, kalkunfilet, makrel, tun, laks, sild, æg, rejer, mm.  Bælgfrugter (bønner, kikærter, linser).

Middag	Panerede kød, fjerkræ og fiskeprodukter og farsretter.  Færdige middagsretter, saucer og supper.  Madlavningsfløde, suppepulver, saucepulver, bouillon.  Frosne Kartoffelprodukter Karry og andre krydderiblandinger.	Kød, fjerkræ og fisk i “ren” form (fersk eller frossen).  Glutenfri pasta, pizza, tærter, madpandekager.  Kartofler, quinoa, grøntsager, salat.  Panering: glutenfri mel / rasp, hirseflager.  Suppe/sovs: alternativer til mælkeprodukter, jævning (maizena, kartoffelmel).
ved panering	Margarine baseret på mælkeprodukter	Olivenolie, rapsolie, solsikkeolier.  Plantemagariner.
Dessert og snacks	Kager, vafler, boller, æbleskiver, isvafler, kiks, lakrids, lakridskonfekt, karameller, chips, chokolade, slik	Gluten- og mælkefri: Desserter, kager, kiks, bolcher, kartoffelchips, popcorn (tjek om de er glutenfrie).  Sodavansis.

'Reality - what is reality?'

Reality. What is reality? Is it that dull, grey substance of occurrences buzzing in the edge of my consciousness? Is it this colourful world, where suddenly everything is happening the way it was supposed to - my way? What do I do when dreams becomes such a big part of how I truly see the world, that it has become too difficult to divide the real word into truth- and falsehood? The roots of fantasy have slowly penetrated the walls around my reality, making root in my sub-constions as if it has always been there. As if I were colour-blind before but now see the world in its true colours.

"Fantasy is escapist, and that is its glory. If a soldier is imprisoned by the enemy, don't we consider it his duty to escape? ... If we value the freedom of mind and soul, if we parisans of liberty, then it's our plain duty to escape, and to take as many people with us as we can!" - Quote, J. R. R. Tolkien

I am escaping. Escaping from my own dull existence. And I am taking you along for the ride.



This is the second part of my "novel" writings. They are descriptions of emotions and feelings that just haunts your heart and soul. You can read the first one here. 

A series review: The Big Bang Theory

SPOILER ALERT! I am probably, without knowing it going to reveal some pretty essential stuff on the Big Bang Theory, because that's what I usually do. So, if you don't want to know, don't read along.

The Big Bang Theory is a personal favourite. The first couple of seasons made me laugh in extreme measures. A roomie of mine found me in my room laughing in the middle of the night ... alone ...

I love Sheldon's complete lack of sympathy and empathy, and especially the first episodes of his relationship with Amy; to some extent the female version of Sheldon. I love how the other three brainiacs keeps being friends with intolerable Sheldon and Leonard's hopeless and sometimes desperate crush on the girl next door.

The last couple of seasons have not reached the prime and magic of the first 5 seasons had, though. Marriage and so forth have made them all a bit dull and boring - or more specifically; normal. I find the Sheldon and the Amy transformation a bit boring. And the relationship between Leonard and unreachable Penny have made me yarn more than a couple of times. They all have at some point settled, which in one way is sweat and nice but when it comes to the entertaining part I am kinda bored.

Despite this, I still watch the show. Despite the boring twists, the show have become a part of life for me. Who doesn't want to know what the future holds for all of them. All in all, it is a show one falls in love with and keeps watching to the very end - even though the hard, from the heart laughter rarely emerges these days.

Dreaming of Boozt-goodies...

So, Boozt are having a major sale and I wish I had the means and money for it. I thought that I might share my favourites with you. Just a warning, I am apparently in a "stripe-period" where everything green and with vertical stripes are the shit! Oh, and it is expensive stuff - therefore only dreams... You know, things I dream I will wear while I am sleeping...

1. Here, 2. Here, 3. Here, 4. Here, 5. Here, 6. Here

Especially the beautiful green dress.. Oh, if only most of my friends hadn't married jet, I would have an excuse...

But, you know what they say (Or more specifically, what I say): "If you can't afford it, blog about it..."

When apps sarcastically greets you in the morning

I find it oddly satisfying that, the new app I am using to keep track on how much money I use on a weekly basis, this morning greeted me with the message: "you have not spend any money yesterday". The impulsive-buyer-syndrome I suffer from sometimes, and which I at times can't control, gives me a pat on the bag while praising me for not spending money yesterday. The app should have said: "Well done! Keep up the good job!", instead it in a sarcastic way shares with me how much money I have for the rest of the week. Instead of praise the app instead could have been yelling: "LOOSER"

Not so much praise for me. Brilliant app though.