As I was trying to explain to a friend of mine how this situation was different in my world view from hers, she concluded that she didn't need to know because, "I know you very well". In my teen-years I would be thrilled of the thought that someone out there in the world knew me well. Normally I would pursue such friendships. Now? Now, I get annoyed and irritated by the very statement. Because, no you don't know me completely as I don't know you completely. Friendships to me is not about knowing someone to the fullest, however, more about accompany each other in life: Get to know each other better, learn more as time and life-events changes who we are. That's what I look forward to in a friendship.
People are not statically staying who they where when we met them. Time doesn't stand still in their lives, just because I'm on the other side of the world. People change. I change. It's the cause of life. I understand that there is something comforting in knowing, that someone I know will stay the same. But I don't find comfort in that anymore. I find comfort in knowing that my friends won't desert me as I change. That my friends will stick around despite my changes.
I believe what really strikes me in this situation is that I don't want to be "put in a box". I don't want to be told who I am anymore. I'm a grown up with a right to be who I am. The term "I know you very well" is just a security blanket. It doesn't assure us that we will stay friends. But if we go together through the stream of life events, through different times, through sorrows, through joy, all things that changes who we are. If we go together, if we accept each other despite the differences we have made - now that is an assurance of friendships. It takes time. It takes patience.
Friendship is like jumping of a cliff together not knowing where we land. Thrilling and disturbing at once.
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